Hello little men!

Hope you both are doing great today ! Start of a new week….

Been a bit of a mad day here to be honest , least the container has been sorted, I guess I need to decide what to do with all your things….. I promise I will try and find a good home for them where little ones will get some fun out of them , still breaks my heart knowing you both will never get to play or use any of it again…..

Boys you would have seen a comment from a nice lady called Barbs, things like that makes me realise that our fight and issues are nothing compared to what other families are dealing with … She makes a valid point in her comment , What have I done ? to be allowed to only see you both four times a year for two hours at a time , the honest answer is nothing , but to fight to try and have a normal relationship with you both and for doing that you both are being kept away from me …….. I some days think if I gave in and allowed your care giver and her spokesperson to bully me and get their way if I would still be a part of your lives , should I have paid the blackmail and just have rolled over and let them continue to lie to get legal aid and housing, try to get me arrested for asking how you both are and what they want to do with her stuff?? Again maybe I am crazy…..as it seems I am the only person in this process that have and can see what these people are trying to do to you both !…….

Don’t get me wrong I know you both might never get to read this or you might be so brainwashed that you do not want to know me …..that is a risk I have no choice but to take at this point as I need you both to know I have and never will stop the fight to have contact with you until the day you both tell me you don’t want that anymore………

Sorry champs I digress,

Just wanted to check that you both are well and say hello , hope you both had a good fun filled day as little men should…….

Still no news from the contact centre so I am sorry to say that it seems that I might not get to see you both at the end of this month as agreed……..but what do I do boys your care giver is playing the game and Cafcass and your solicitor keeps supporting this because I am crazy remember…….

As each night pals I will see you both a little later under our big old green tree in dream land , can’t wait for my double O cuddles……

Night , night little men…..dream of happy normal days please …..

Love you both truck loads and trailers full and miss you more …

Love you little men, always ……

Dad xx

You have to listen to this , I know it’s a hour long , but worth the time , re family breakdown in the UK

 Subject: 29 Sept 2013
> From: phillferreira@xxxxxxxxx
> Date: Sun, 29 Sep 2013 15:31:04 +0100
> To: <a href="mailto:.ferreira0511@xxxxxxxxx"ferreira0511@xxxxxxxxx; .ferreira2011@xxxxxxxxx
>
> Hello my little men,
>
> How are you two doing today , I hope better than me ….
>
> Been getting the last bits of the house ready for the movers to pack on Tuesday … Boys I have been so heart broken and emotional today , don’t think I have ever felt like this , I guess it will just get worse this week knowing that I have to leave on Saturday ….. Boys I know I have said it many times before but I am so sorry that I will not be a full time part of your live , but I guess that is what mum always wanted , I don’t know …. Still not sure I am doing the right thing …. I hope I am and that some time and distance will move things forward for us in a positive manner…
>
> I know I have not seen you much because mum did not allow me to but at least I knew where 3 where in the same country and from next week that all will change , I know it means nothing to you both now but it really scares me knowing that you two might not understand it all one day and that you will blame me …… Just know you two are my all and will always be how ever hard that might be for me should you chose to turn your backs on me , I will always be waiting and longing to get to know you both again and be a positive part of your lives if you want me to be , but I will never force it boys no matter how much I would want to be your Dad , that decision will be yours one day when you are ready ….
>
> I know you two will get on with your growing up and Dad will just be a word to you both and I will be just a person you might see some old photos of just please remember that is not how I wanted it to be , but this is not in my hands … Mum is controlling this in a not so good manner but I am sure she has her reasons , I might never understand or know why … Maybe you two will…
>
> Sorry I am so emotional today , just really broken boys , and am not sure if or how I will ever be able to fix myself again , don’t think I ever will , your place in my heart will always bring back this pain and heartache …. My burden to carry for the rest of my life , don’t think I will ever be a whole person again as 2 parts of me are missing and will never be able to be replaced…..
>
> I hope you two will have a fantastic week at school and with all the fun things you might do !
>
> Boys I miss and love you both so , so very much…..
>
> I hope to see you both again tonight under our big old green tree in dream land , hope I can get some double little O dream cuddles and smiles …
>
> Nite , nite , sweet happy little boy dreams …
>
> Love you both with all my heart and sole ….
>
> Love you Champs …
>
> Dad xx
>

Subject: 16 Sept 2013
> From: phillferreira@xxxxxxxxx
> Date: Mon, 16 Sep 2013 20:14:59 +0100
> To: ferreira0511@xxxxxxxx; .ferreira2011@xxxxxxxxx
>
> Hello little men
>
> How are you two doing ? I hope well…
>
> Just got home from work , been a long day to be honest but at least all my stuff for the Board meeting on Wednesday in London are now all done !
>
> Still really cold here , I have the heating on again , lol
>
> So I wonder what you two where doing today ? I hope you two had loads of fun
>
> Your gift where sent by Amazon today so I guess you will get them the end of the week , I really hope you two monkeys will like them … Sorry I can’t see your little faces when you open the box.
>
> Spoke to Ouma and Oupa today they both send all their love , they so want to say hello to you both but Mum is not allowing it I am afraid… Maybe one day …
>
> O I have to do a lot of work for the Court again this weekend as I need to give a letter to explain how I will care for you if you might come and stay with me …. Not sure the Court will allow that but I have to keep fighting boys as long as I am alive as you both are my world ….
>
> So pals , I will see you both a little later under the big old green tree in dream land , can’t wait for my dream cuddles and smiles…
>
> Nite , nite, sweet dreams my boys !
>
>
> Love you both to the moon and back and miss you more ….
>
> Love you champs
>
> Dad xx
>

From: phillferreira@xxxxxxxxx To: .ferreira2011@xxxxxxxxx <a href="mailto:ferreira0511@xxxxxxxxx".ferreira0511@xxxxxxxxx Subject: 1 Aug 2013 Date: Thu, 1 Aug 2013 17:13:28 +0100

From: phillferreira@xxxxxxxxxx To: .ferreira2011@xxxxxxxx ferreira0511@xxxxxxxxx Subject: 5 July 2013 Date: Fri, 5 Jul 2013 14:14:53 +0100

Subject: 7 June 2013 Mums Birthday !
> From: phillferreira@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
> Date: Fri, 7 Jun 2013 23:18:36 +0100
> To: .ferreira0511@xxxxxxxxxxx .ferreira2011@xxxxxxxxxxx
>
> Hello Champs !
>
> How are you two doing today , sorry I am late tonight , I had dinner at Jackie and Keith’s the people next door. They are such a nice couple , am sorry we did not get to know them a little better in the past year !
>
> You two would have had lots of fun with the dog and cat as they both just want to play!
>
> Well boys I hope you two gave mum a huge birthday cuddle and told her how much you both loved her ! I did text Mum this morning to say happy birthday and to say hello to you both but as normal she did not respond , feel strange as it is the 1st time in 5 years we have not been away from mums birthday , as I always tried to make her day special , last year we went to Leeds to watch dirty dancing in our own private box , I think mum liked it , was going to take her to Dubai this year for a couple of days as I know she would love to go back again …..
>
> Well I am on count down now , tomorrow a week I move to Horsham , feel still very unreal that I will be leaving this house , Horam and our memories of the last year , but I guess I need to start building a life again and the move will do me good i guess ,
>
> Can’t wait to start on your new room , I do want to make it really nice for you both in the hope that you might get to see it one day ….
>
> O i almost forgot , I got a letter from the home office today re my visa asking for loads of information , from mum , and re agreements about me seeing you both ,so I guess the good news here is that they are looking at my application , bad news is i don’t have what they are asking and I assume mum will not provide it in team , but at the end of the day I am sure it will all work out ok ….
>
> Well I hope you two and mum had a nice day and had lots of fun ….
>
> As always boys I will see you both under the big old green tree in dream land shortly , can’t wait for my dream cuddle … And to tell you both how much I miss as love you two ….
>
>
> Night night my little O’s , sweet dream ,
>
> Truck loads full of love and cuddles
>
> Dad xx
>
> Sent from my iPad

Subject: Fwd: Boys Birthday and the weekend contact From: phillferreira@xxxxxxxxxx Date: Sat, 18 May 2013 13:18:31 +0100 To: ferreira2011@xxxxxxxxxxx ferreira0511@xxxxxxxxx

From: Phill Ferreira <phillferreira@hotmail.com> Date: 18 May 2013 13:12:47 BST To: “jxxxxxx” <xxxxxxxxxxxx> Cc: “djl@wgs.co.uk” <djl@wgs.co.uk> Subject: Boys Birthday and the weekend contact

Hi Jayne , Hope you and the boys are well and having a nice weekend ! Deborah never heard back from Kerry  I assume on Friday night re seeing the boys for their birthday or over the weekend , so I assume you are not allowing the contact. Just to let you know i did send the boys cards and Birthday cake to Simons as I thought the boys will see them , I think you know I left the boys gifts  in the garage also when I saw them on the 4th , I did apologise to Simon for sending the stuff for the boys to his and have asked him to just bin it. I have cards from my Mum for the boys that I will post to your mum and Dad next week if you will let the boys have them , if not also just bin them I guess. I guess my mum will ring you or Pat and Steve’s house on Monday to wish the boys happy birthday but as normal if you will not allow this then just please ignore the call. Please wish the boys a very  happy 2nd birthday from me on Monday , please tell them I love them and  give the a cuddle if you don’t mind and please tell them that I am really sorry I am not part of their big day. Hope you all will have a nice day on Monday and that the boys will have lots of fun and laughter as little boys should on their Birthday. Take care, Phill

 Subject: 1 May 2013
> From: phillferreira@xxxxxxxxxx
> Date: Wed, 1 May 2013 20:47:56 +0100
> To: .ferreira2011@xxxxxxxxx .ferreira0511@xxxxxxxxxx
>
> Hello boys !
>
>
> How are you two doing today ? I hope really , really good as that’s how little men should be 3 weeks before the big 2  birthday !
>
> I wonder if you if you two have any idea you have big day coming up , I hope mum has planned a really nice day for you both , just a petty you not going to Harrison and Georgia , Arthur and Albert and the other little ones from Nursery around to make your day even more fun!
>
> I got the list from mum today of the stuff she wants to take from the house ,  I found it funny she wants to take all the new stuff and leave her old rubbish for me ! She also wants to take all your toys and Nursery stuff but I am afraid I had to say no to that request as I need the stuff for when you two are coming to spend time with me and also Ouma bought and paid for it all , I was really sad to see mum did not even ask for your big train set as she knows how much you both like to break it down ! I guess that is her way of saying you are not allowed it boys , but don’t worry I will put it in my new front room so we 3 can play with it as we use to!
>
> Mum said you are not sleeping on the floor at your horrible old grand parents where she has kept you hostage the last month , you where when I was there over the easter weekend , but if you are not then why does she want all your stuff from me , surly she has bought you cots by now and have not expected you to sleep on the floor for a month ! I kept asking before we went to see them to take your mattresses but mum kept saying your horrible nasty rude old grand mother bought you well … She took the padding of her garden chairs and wanted you to sleep on that !
>
> Boys I am so sorry that you both are having to go through all this not so nice stuff but this is the game your mum wants to play rather than speak to me and tell me what she wants , never good enough no matter what we will do for her ,,that’s why she can’t keep friends as she is so rude and cutting with them…
>
>
> Enough wining from me now , lol …
>
>
>
> You two would have had such a nice day here again , warm and sunny , almost 2,weeks now with no central heating!
>
> I so want to take you two to feed the duck and have a play in the play park …. One day I promise little men even if it is the last thing I ever do !
>
>
> I am sure you both are snoring your gorgeous little heads off , so I hope to see you both under the big green tree in dream land in a little while , least in my and your dreams I can hold you both and tell you how much I love you , always
>
>
> Night night little O’s and please remember I love you with all of my heart , each day more and I did not think that could be possible ….
>
> Love you both truck loads full , sweet dreams
>
> Dad xx
>