Measuring Loss.

Karen Woodall

How do we measure the loss to a child when a parent is removed through family separation by one hostile parent acting against the other.

Or the loss that happens when the court officer says ‘no contact.’

As a society we have been trained to measure it in ‘the best interests of the child.’  A phrase which alternately means prevention of conflict is best for the child and a child does not really need two parents to do ok.

In some cases that may well be the case.  Where a parent (mother or father) has harmed or could harm a child  and where there is a clear benefit to the child to remove them from conflict which is severe and unending (and in that case the removal should be from the parent causing the conflict, not the targeted parent, the one who is usually removed).

We do not measure loss…

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Sociopath Change


There are so many things ‘we’ do not understand about a Sociopath! And one of the biggest things is, why do they not want to change???

All of us go through changes in our lives! Careers, marriages, our bodies, where we live and so on. But one constant in us, is the ability to reasoning, comprehension, decision making etc. The huge difference with a Sociopath is, they are always changing One day they ‘love you’, the next you are the worst person they have ever encountered. One day they ‘want to spend the rest of their life with you’, next day, they can’t stand the thought of being with you. One day they want to be an astronaut, the next day….maybe a painter. One day they are going to leave their partner to be with you, the next day…..well you might not even hear from them. Or better…

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The alienators “tools of trade”

Your Journey to Healing Starts Here

Many alienators will not come out and degrade the targeted openly (many do), some use more subtle methods and when you think you have heard it all more come to light, although some use only a few others use many, here are some;

  1. Sympathy … alienators often use sympathy to gain the loyalty of the children, this can be as simple as “he/she left us with no money and does not care about us”, sympathy from friends and family is important also as the alienator sees this as loyalty, support and justification for their actions … “I cry and miss you terribly when you stay over at his/her place”, not hard to guess what the children are left with on this one, they do not want to see the alienator hurt, anyone for that matter but the targeted do not usually say things like this so the children do not…

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Surrogate Alienators

Your Journey to Healing Starts Here

Cloud 10

There are others that conribute, directly and or indirectly to parental alienation hence child abuse by way of supporting the alienator in different ways

Extended family, friends

Close family members such as grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins etc and even friends by supporting the alienator when it becomes clear to them just what is going on are in fact supporting alienation.

Even if a family member becomes suspicious of the alienator it is in fact in the children’s best interests for them to question what is happening, if they do not then they themselves by default are contributing to the abuse.

Supporting another person at a time when they need support is commendable, but supporting them to the point that morals and truth become a casualty is just plain bad support in anyone’s view.

We all have a duty to stand up for the truth and for the children in their…

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Mina en George


Twaalf jaar gelede het ons vir Mina en George in Kleinmond kom kry. Elke dorp het mos maar sy probleem met bergies, en die afgelope paar jaar het Kleinmond se probleem groter geword. Maar Mina en George was seker ons bekendste en geliefdste ‘paartjie’. Mina met haar regop ruggie, en George al slingerende oor die pad, as hy hoogtrap as die Rooiproppie trek.

Vir lank was hulle woonplek in die bosse in die digte fynbos hier onder, naby ons huis, en het hulle paadjie tussen drankwinkel en boshuis by ons huis verbygeloop. Vir ‘n hele ruk het ek gereeld vir Mina haar R7 gegee vir hulle ‘stofie se paraffien’, totdat ek op ‘n dag besef het sy is die stofie en die Rooiproppie (wat toevallig R7 kos) die paraffien. Toe is ons maar weer terug op net kos as ek hulle sien. Sy noem my Juffrou, om een of ander…

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How Do You Counter Programming and Brainwashing?

Your Journey to Healing Starts Here

How Do You Counter Programming and Brainwashing?


The fact that this often happens unconsciously and unintentionally is bad enough. Adults who consciously and actively engage in these behaviors are reprehensible. This is a form of child abuse for which there are rarely repercussions for the offending parent. In many cases, alienation begins while the marriage is still intact and very early on in a child’s life.

It happens when Mom says something that makes Dad look incompetent or uncaring. Your father can’t be trusted with the simplest task. Mom to the rescue! Or, Your father cares more about his career than us. That’s why he spends so much time at the office. Never mind that Mom refuses to get a job to contribute to the household, which would allow Dad to spend more time at home. Or, Good Christians go to Church, which is why your mother is going to…

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Programming and Brainwashing Children after Divorce

Your Journey to Healing Starts Here

Programming and Brainwashing

Programming. When one parent attempts to alienate a child from the other parent, she’s essentially teaching the child to hate and fear the other parent. Hatred of the other parent is the end goal or program. It’s like installing computer software—there are directions, procedures and instructions for how to organize information. For example, the other parent is late for the scheduled child visitation pick-up. The programming parent comments, “A good parent who really loves his children would be on time.” This is a set of instruction that translates to: “Your father is a bad parent who doesn’t love you.” This is a negative interpretation of what is most likely a neutral event, but the set of directions from the offending parent don’t allow for neutral interpretations like heavy traffic, a flat tire or being held up at work.

According to Clawar and Rivlin (1991, p.7):

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