A good parental alienation read

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LIMITED DEFINITION OF PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME INCLUDED IN DSM-V
by Robert Franklin, Esq.

For many years now, feminists and other anti-father minions have fought tooth and nail against the very concept of Parental Alienation and Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS). That opposition has taken many forms, but the most seriously contested battlefield has been over the pages of the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual. Specifically, those opposed to the acknowledgement of PAS staked their all on keeping it out of the fifth and most recent edition of the DSM.

They lost. Science won. As this article by Barbara Kay informs us, although PAS as such is still excluded from the DSM, what’s included are concepts that get about as close as possible to PAS without actually being called that (National Post, 5/23/13).

Thanks to the fifth edition of the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), launched last week, PAS is now almost logged in as an official disorder. I say “almost” because those exact words are not in the DSM-5 (this was a deliberate and much-discussed decision). However, the new broader category of “child psychological abuse” is defined as “non-accidental verbal or symbolic acts by a child’s parent or caregiver that result, or have reasonable potential to result, in significant psychological harm to the child.”

That of course is vastly broader than any definition of PAS that focuses on one parent’s targeting of the other parent via the alienation of the child. That clearly does result in harm to the child, but that’s not its purpose. But there’s more.

Under this rubric, one finds in a description of “parent-child relational problem” symptoms that all but link hands and sing out PAS. For example, the child’s perception of an alienated parent “may include negative attributions of the other’s intentions, hostility toward or scapegoating of the other, and unwarranted feelings of estrangement.”

As Kay accurately states, that’s not exactly PAS, but it’s close. Moreover, any mental health professional who would otherwise make a diagnosis of PAS can now make a diagnosis of “parent-child-relational problem” and have the imprimatur of the APA and its DSM-V. And no lawyer in court can say that the diagnosis isn’t covered by the bible of the APA.

In the long run-up to the fifth edition, much commentary was produced on all manner of mental health issues, PAS among them. The politics of getting the thing published looked fraught with anguish and peril. That much was obvious, and, reading between the lines, what resulted is a compromise between science and dogma.

Yes, there seem to be principled mental health professionals who opposed inclusion of PAS in the DSM-V. But in the mainstream press and among the lay commentariat, there was no principle involved. Among them, the very idea of PAS is an attack on mothers and their unquestioned right to primary custody in most if not all cases. Time and again, their arguments against PAS inclusion ran the gamut from absurd to hypocritical to dishonest. Put simply, this was the anti-father crowd at its anti-intellectual, anti-justice, anti-child worst.

Possibly the most scurrilous example was brought to us by the National Organization for Women that put out a white paper on PAS that managed in a few words to utterly misrepresent the history of PAS, the science of PAS, its harmful effects on children and the fact that PAS recognition would end up helping mothers. NOW gets a lot wrong; in fact, it’s kind of a time-honored tradition of theirs. But the PAS white paper descended to new depths.

What’s true about PAS is that it’s mostly mothers who alienate their kids. That’s because it’s mostly mothers who have custody and it usually requires the kind of time custodial parents have to accomplish the alienation of a child from a parent. The simple fact is that, if a child spends 80% of his/her time with Mom, Dad can’t alienate the child even if he wants to. He doesn’t have the opportunity and all his effort collapses because the child has plenty of time with its mother to learn that she’s really not as bad as Dad makes out.

Of course some fathers are in a position to alienate their children, and sadly some of them do. The literature on PAS is never gender-specific; it never claims that alienation is something mothers do but dads don’t.

But typically, NOW and other anti-father groups don’t care about the science. If they did, they wouldn’t oppose PAS inclusion. No, what they care about is anything that holds the potential for improving fathers’ rights in family courts. It doesn’t much matter what that might be, they oppose it. Period. They’ll get to making up their excuses later.

Predictably, the excuses they came up with regarding PAS were lame in the extreme. According to them, PAS is a plot by fathers’ rights groups to take children from “protective mothers.” They never get around to explaining how a mother who so abuses her children that they hate and fear their loving father is “protective” of them. And of course they never explain why, if PAS inclusion is an insidious scheme to steal away children from mothers, fathers engage in parental alienation. Obviously, that makes no sense, but NOW, et al, long ago stopped doing that.

Then of course there was NOW’s outright lie that there’s no science to support PAS. In all honesty, the massive amount of science on PAS developed actually since the 1950s, and rigorously since the 1980s, in all parts of the globe is a bit too significant to get tossed aside by NOW in a few words. But the simple fact is that if NOW and the others had anything of substance with which to oppose PAS inclusion, don’t you think they’d have mentioned it? When you have to make stuff up to support your point of view, your point of view isn’t worth supporting.

But the deep and broad awfulness of the anti-dad crowd’s opposition certainly doesn’t stop at mere dishonesty, it’s radically anti-child too. PAS is child abuse. It’s child abuse that can have detrimental effects long into adulthood. Read any description of an alienated child. Read just a few pages of, for example, Linda Gottlieb’s fine text, The Parental Alienation Syndrome: A Family Therapy and Collaborative Systems Approach to Amelioration. Any of countless descriptions of what parents do to children and its effects on them will make you tear your hair out. More importantly, it’ll remove any doubt from your mind that parental alienation can be in any way benign. It’s clearly abusive.

And so, by opposing recognition of PAS, NOW struck a blow against children’s welfare. By trying to convince us that PAS doesn’t exist, NOW and the others were attempting to perpetuate its awful, destructive process. In so doing, they sought to damage children. It really doesn’t get any worse than that.

Well, it doesn’t get worse unless you’re an advocate for mothers. Then yes, it gets worse. By opposing PAS inclusion and by utterly misrepresenting it, NOW ironically supports alienating parents (mostly mothers) in their campaign to keep fathers out of the lives of their children. If they’d been successful, who would then have been left holding the childcare bag? That’s right, mothers.

If a mother succeeds at her campaign of alienation, she ends up with the child full-time. Every decision is hers, every night, every weekend she’s on duty. Is the child sick? She takes care of it. Does the child get in trouble in school, with the law? She deals with it. Every bit of the job of raising the child falls to her.

And what does that do to her earnings, her ability to find and keep a well-paying full-time job? Obviously, it puts a major dent in it and that means she and the child live on less and when she retires, she’s in dire financial straits.

And that, my friends, is what NOW argues for when it argues against inclusion of PAS in the DSM-V. It’s kind of ironic for an organization that claims it wants to empower women. Indeed it’s doubly ironic for one that has long argued for more women in the workplace.

So what can we conclude? It looks a lot like NOW’s anti-male bias is stronger than its pro-female one.

All of that is to say that it’s a good thing that NOW lost and science won in the long and rancorous debate about PAS.

I spoke with Vanderbilt University’s Emeritus professor of psychiatry Bill Bernet, who specializes in divorce and custody effects on children, and who was the leading advocate for PAS’s inclusion in the DSM. He told me: “Even though it does not go quite as far as we’d hoped, I’m very happy that this new terminology is in the DSM-5.”

Professor Bernet leads the Parental Alienation Study Group, whose members are dedicated to educating clinicians, social workers and other frontline professionals, so that they will recognize the disorder by its invariable features and develop strategies for combatting it. The trickledown effect of the DSM inclusion will hopefully play out in family court, with judges acquiring familiarity with the syndrome and moving swiftly to protect the child from the alienating parent.

https://nationalparentsorganization.org/blog/20972-limited-definition-of-parental-alienation-syndrome-included-in-dsm-v

The Dandlebear Bridge

Thanks for a great read Karen …

karenwoodall's avatarKaren Woodall

A Dandlebear is no ordinary bear. A Dandlebear is specially made for children whose parents do not live in the same house. A Dandlebear is small and quick and can send messages without talking. A Dandlebear looks after little children.

Dandlebears live underneath bridges. Some of the bridges lead from mummy’s house to daddy’s house. Sometimes a bridge leads from daddy’s house to Nanny’s house and some other bridges lead from mummy’s house to nursery. All little children have to go over bridges and some get to like it a lot but others find it too scary and so these little children have a dandlebear to help them.

Dandlebears have long arms and big paws. This is so that you can hook them into your trousers whilst you are playing at daddy’s house. Some dandlebears go over the bridge with children and then go back to skimming stones until its…

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Daily update for my Boys 10 March 2014

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Hello little men..

How are my little men doing today ? I really hope very well…

Well guess I was wrong , the rain here is not over , it’s been raining cats and dogs and lions here since last night again..I have seen some videos on Facebook of a holiday resort close by that shows cars washing around the camp site…don’t think the Country has seen non stop rain like the past week for a very long time…not good as so many people will be left homeless with these floods again , really sad knowing winter is just around the corner and all these people have lost all that they have ever owned…… Makes you think sometimes why life and the world would be so cruel to people who are struggling already ….guess we will never understand how and why these things happen…..

O , I was helping Oupa with some DIY stuff this morning as the rain was so bad I could not sort any more of my stuff today …I think I learned today again that I am not a DIY-yer and will never be , I think I have two left hands at the best of times ….lol …thank goodness that I have and know people that can do things ….. I used to try and built the things I bought you when you were little ….some projects went better than others I have to admit ….I guess that is why IKEA is the stuff my nightmares are made off…

Does not feel like a Monday today if I am honest , must be due to the fact that I am still off work for a while , feels like Sunday again , Ouma is baking pot brood , I guess in English that would mean she is baking fresh farm bread in a metal casserole, we would normally do it outside in a hole in the ground with warm coals but the oven does the trick on rainy days like this…I think you both would have loved a warm slice of this bread with lots of butter and fig jam …. One of the best things in the world to eat that I can promise you both , but remember it needs to be chunky fig jam , organic , non of this factory processed stuff you buy in the supermarkets….

O I posted you some pictures today that Ouma and Oupa asked me to share with you both , so I hope you liked them and please show B&B the one , I think they will also find the one about cats funny , made me smile for sure ….

Well champs , hope you both are having a fantastic start to your week ..lots of giggles , fun and learning … Maybe even some nice outside play time with B&B … Have you two let them try some of your South African Easter eggs? I hope so ……

As always little men , I hope to see you both a little later under our big old green tree in dream land … Hope you two are bringing me some warm dry cuddles ….

Night , night pals , fun happy safe dreams please…..

Love you both all the over flowing dams full and miss you more than the fast flooding rivers here ……

Love you little men…always …

Dad xx

Going underground: into the world of the alienated child

This is a must read …. Thank you Karen

karenwoodall's avatarKaren Woodall

First real day of sunshine and I am thinking about the way in which we survive cycle after cycle, the downward spiral into winter and the way in which the myth of persephone in the underworld plays itself out in our lives over and over and over again.  Born as we are, in a cyclical world, none of us can avoid the reality of life, death and separation from our loved ones.  Demeter lamented as  her daughter Persephone was taken from her by Hades the god of the underworld, in a story of abduction, reconciliation and regeneration.  In the Persephone myth, there is the foretelling of spring, renewal and reunification.  For the alienated child and family, none of this normal and natural renewal is allowed to occur and so the world becomes frozen in time as the child disappears, deep into the underworld, where the family they have rejected cannot…

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Daily update for my Boys 9 March 2014

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Hello little men…

Hope you two are doing well and have had a fun Sunday…..

Well I got nothing done I wanted to this weekend but got lots of other things done… I have also come to the realisation that I hate hanging curtains…I know hate is a strong word but I do believe I hate this task for sure no doubt ..lol….

We seem to have some Sunshine today , it’s about time as we have had 7 days of non stop rain….you can feel the air is getting cooler and I guess Autumn is here in its full glory, it’s funny as we have a lot of evergreen trees here so no or very little brown leaves…I don’t know if you both still remember the mountain of leaves we had at the house is Horsham, I tried to rake them like 8 pm at night after you both had gone to bed as there was so much it could not wait for the gardener…. Bins and bins full , don’t think I have seen so many leaves in my life …. Boy am I pleased to be back in Africa and having people to do these type of chores daily….

Not sure if you two have any trees at your house in Chester, I hope you do as I am pretty sure you both will have had lots of fun playing in the leaves outside..

It feels like the past week has gone really quickly… Must be because I have been busy each day sorting the house and boxes…yes I know , it’s still not done …but you need to remember that I have the huge task to decide what to keep and what to let go as I need to keep things simple so it’s easy later for whom ever to sort when the time comes….

I can’t wait to sleep in my own bed again…just need to get all the bedding and sheets back from the dry cleaners and ironing people …yes I sleep on ironed sheets , it’s one of my things , I can not sleep on sheets and bedding that have not been ironed…yes , yes , I know that makes me a freak ….but again that is how I was raised , sheets are ironed always ….. Even fitted ones ..lol , not that I have ever touched an iron in my life…..

Well champs I don’t know what you two have up your sleeves for this week coming but I hope it’s safe and fun …….with lots of giggles and learning …

I will see you both then again a little later tonight under our big old green tree in dream land …can’t wait for my double little man bear cuddles and dream smiles ……

Night , night little men ….happy new week dreams ….

Love you both tons and tons and miss you mega tons more ….

Love you little men…always ….

Dad xx