This week I have been thinking about the way in which children at risk of alienation make transitions to and from their parents.  I have been thinking about how, when parents separate, their first psycholgocial reaction is to retreat back to their family of origin how this, if it is an unhealthy environment, becomes the crucible for developing an alienation reaction.

For our family of origin, our tribe, our primitive sense of identity and belonging, is the place where we learn to be who we are.  Who we are, in relationship to others, is driven by the messages and the teachings we received in the bosom of our family, however that was constructed around us.

When we enter into a relationship with another, our task, after the biological business of falling in love and bonding is done, is to find a way to weave together the two sides of our…