After Narcissistic Abuse – Focus on What Feels RIGHT to YOU

After Narcissistic Abuse


Some people have the opinion that if you talk about narcissism or things the narcissist did, that you’re not focusing on the “right” topic. Well, the last I checked, BEING RIGHT only matters to certain types of people (control freaks)- which doesn’t exactly put ANYONE in the position to decide for someone else.

We ALL have freewill and as long as we show empathy and fairness (towards ourselves as well) we have the right to exercise our freedom to decide WHERE we want to focus.

We talk about narcissism and what narcissists did to us in order to:

1) Validate Eachother

Which is HUGE to targets. We were isolated and told we were
crazy amongst other things we were NOT. The only reality
we heard was from the narcissist, through their
propaganda that was pumped into our solitary confined cell
about how great the narcissist was and how awful and

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Signs That You’ve Been Abused by a Narcissist

After Narcissistic Abuse



Do you recognize that you’re doubting yourself more than you ever have before?

Victims of narcissistic abuse often appear uncertain of themselves, constantly seeking clarification that they haven’t made a mistake or misheard something.

This reactive adaptation to narcissistic abuse is because the narcissist is ALWAYS finger pointing and shifting blame to YOU for ALL of the ups & downs both in the relationship AND in the narcissist’s personal psyche.
Because this relationship has NON EXISTENT boundaries, you will find YOURSELF constantly PUT UPON and FORCED to accept responsibility for things you didn’t do or say. This borrowed humiliation and shame is exactly what the narcissist intends for the victim to take from the narcissist. Their own unfelt core of shame.



Just refer to the above explanation of self doubt and boundary transgression if you want to understand the CONFUSION that is part and…

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5 Differences Between a TRUE VICTIM & FALSE VICTIM of Narcissistic Abuse

apologies for re-blogging your posts but it sounds like you are writing the story of my life the past 5 years with my ex wife

After Narcissistic Abuse

true vs false victim

It’s NOT EASY using the V word.

Personally, I don’t LIKE it. It’s not a word I’ve used to describe myself through very many situations in my life, because I am the kind of person who takes responsibility for things that happen to me. While, I certainly had choices and consequences (thus responsibility) in my relationship with a narcissist as an adult – it is the only experience I think the V label accurately describes and depicts.

I was caught unaware. I was told things that weren’t true. By relying on those things, I made decisions that put me in harms way. I was sold a bill of goods and promises by a person who was well aware that they had no intention of ever delivering on those promises nor being capable of being a GOOD PERSON towards me, so that he could use me for things that benefited ONLY…

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Narcissists Have Two Very Distinct Groups of People in their Lives

After Narcissistic Abuse



The Ones that don’t know them (those that love them) and those that KNOW THEM (and can’t stand them).

Talking to another victim of the narcissist that abused me last evening made me realize a few things about narcissists and their 2 very opposing camps of people in their lives. 

The narcissist guards these camps like a prison guard. Making sure that the two camps have NO INTERACTION. Theyll build a wall so high that the dupe won’t see past it: the other camp is described by the narcissist as “crazy, bitter, revengeful, jealous, harmed the narcissist and still wants to harm them.” The tales they’ll spin to build that wall, is unbeknownst to the new target, a PRISON that will soon cause them to feel trapped and lifeless.

The narcissist knows with dire fear, that their gig is up if the duped person begins to believe…

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Common Responses After Losing a Child (for Protective Moms)

This is the same for dads , that I can promise you

Protective Mothers' Alliance International

A list of common responses/reactions after losing a child in a family court proceeding

I feel it is important to distinguish the loss and being related to family court proceedings because often times the process involves factors that re-traumatize the family and prolong any possibility of stabilizing the family. In essence, there is a distinct type of grief that follows losing a child due to unjust proceedings that villify a parent trying to protect their children.

Mothers who loose their children in family court proceedings often experience (and report):

* Character assination and/or emotional abuse of the mother (who may be labelled as having “Parental Alienation Syndrome” or “Malicious Mom Syndrome”)

* Minimizing past abuse and its affects/Minimizing the current danger

* Legal proceedings that deny a mother of her legal rights

* Feeling threatened or coerced by court personnel

*Expensive legal or court costs, often resulting in severe…

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Daily update for my Boys 25 May 2014










Hello Little Men !

How are my Champs doing on this great Sunday afternoon ? I hope very , very fine 🙂

Well I am all packed and ready , think I might have to take a nap maybe as I have about three hours before I have to leave for the airport , thinking about it today the trip home is a bit of a waste of time as I am flying back to help the Court set up the hearing for next week in South Africa , which as you know they now are not doing …but hey a little holiday in the African winter has never harmed anyone ….

I wrote a little email to Judge Jeremy Rawkins today as I am sure you have seen just to give him a very , very brief summary of what we have been dealing with thus far in these proceedings Little Men , not sure if he will even get it , I see he use to be a solicitor that got bored and then decided to become a judge so not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing if I am honest , time will tell I guess ….

So I went for my last mocha this morning , sorted my work admin and then the stuff for the Court , I do think I might have had to much caffeine today as the large mocha and three red bulls might not have been such a good idea in hindsight …lol ….

I hope you monkeys had a fun day full of giggles and plenty of playtime …the picture of the dog in the kitchen made me smile and thought it would be a great plan for you muppets when you give B&B their next bath …. Least they are a little smaller so the water / tub size ratio would work better then the picture but still a good idea I think 🙂 , don’t tell people I gave you the idea …as I am sure some people might not like the concept or find it as funny us what us three would 🙂

It made me think lots today of what kind of mischief you both must be getting up to by now being big boys …and who blames who for the things you do , I have a gut feeling you might be the ring leader now Oscar and Oliver must be getting into trouble due to all your great ideas or maybe Oliver is the planner , I would love to know , but one thing is sure I know you both are and will continue to be full of schemes and great plans as you both exhibited these traits even before you turned two…:-) but hey , that what little men should be doing …..

Well champs , I will try and write you on my flight , depending if the wifi is working , if not I just want to assure you that I will see you both a little later under our big old green tree in dreamland …packing you both big long hall dream bear cuddles ….

Night , night Champs …. Dream big of taking over the world one day 🙂 remember it all starts with an idea and then…..the plan lol

Love you both to Africa and back and miss you to the moon and back ….

Love you Little Men ….always …

Dad xx

Open Letter to HHJ Jeremy Rawkins DFJ Lancashire





From: Phill Ferreira
Date: 25 May 2014 05:33:36 GMT+2
To: “” , “” , Peter Morey , “” , “” , “” , Western PPU , “” , “” , “” , Andie Brown , “” , Phill Ferreira
Subject: Open Letter to HHJ Jeremey Rawkins DFJ Lancashire re Oliver and Oscar Ferreira – Case LA13P00059

Dear Jeremy,

I hope this email finds you well and that you have had a great Bank Holiday,

As I am sure you know by now Mrs. Singleton from the High Court in Lancaster and Blackburn has now passed this case re our twin boys over to you for direction as she is aware of her own misconduct and those of CAFCASS and the other so called professionals involved in this case since April 2013.

I would kindly request you to take a good look at the over 9000 pages of documents thus far in this case and then give consideration to the following ;

Why did and still do Social Services in Lancaster and West Chester refuse to respond or communicate on the various concerns raised with them since April last year , they tell me they do not have to respond as Peter Morey from CAFCASS Blackburn told them to “back off” to cover up his misconduct and lack of following his own protocol.
A formal complaint was made to CAFCASS which to date the refuse to place inform of the Judge with their response , Mr Philip Davies from CAFCASS told me to go to the Medical Ombudsman if I don’t like it knowing very well I am not a UK resident and as such does not have an MP.
The Court and CAFCASS refuses to appoint and independent psychologists to review the 2 hour report on me done at Gatwick airport the day I had to leave the UK as they say they will only work with psychologists they know and can manipulate, the report was provided to CAFCASS and the boys legal team as a draft report thus allowing them to edit and add what they want before I and the Court was given a copy, Judge Singleton sees no issue with this nor the fact that instead from the start that 3 psychologist were to be nominated they ignored this and went with a lady with very little experience in family but is a friend of the boys legal team.
The Final CAFCASS report was provided to me 10 min before meeting my boys but less that 12 hours before the listed 5 day contested hearing , again Judge Singleton has no issue with this and sees it fair and just.
CAFCASS has met me for a total of 45 min since the start of these proceeding but still see them fit to make a recommendation about me , but chose to ignore the evidence and statements provided in the case for them to investigate. They have had zero contact with any member of my family , friends of staff but yet spend load of time with the mothers family allowing them to file statements to support the lies.
Lancaster and Chester PPU refuse nor have they ever spoken to me re the false allegation made of DV that was used to defraud the LAA for legal aid by the mother , ignoring the fact that she did not meet the criteria for legal aid , meaning to date on legal fees and travel I have spend more that 30 000 pounds to try and see our boys.
A court order was made in Dec 2013 saying the mother should arrange contact place , I requested to see the boys for Christmas as per this order , they then went back to Court the next day to say they do not believe I will be in the UK for Christmas , when I wanted to invoke the breach of the contact order it came to light that Judge Singleton did not add the penal and warning notice to the order she had made ensuring the mother can do what she wants with zero regard for the court orders made.
Since April 2013 all and every of my parental rights and responsibilities have been ignored by the Court and CAFCASS without any explanation at all.
The mother admitted that she was a addicted to pain killers but yet no testing was done on her.
The mother is an alcoholic but no hair strand testing was done , instead CAFCASS and the boys legal team gave her 3 months to sober up before they did a liver test.
I was forced to release my medical records to the court and the LAA solicitor but the mother was told she does not have to do so , the LAA solicitor then said they did not share this info with the mother but yet I have emails to my blog from strangers confirming great detail of my medical records which they say the mother shared with them , so is this not perjury?

To date no evidence has been heard , nor any statements filed as affidivids but Judge Singleton decided no contact based on the fact that I might be a Narcissist. Cafcass wanted to use Core Assets for supervised contact as the mother refused to make her own arrangements , it now turns out that CAFCASS is a share holder of Core Assets , the cost for a 2 hour session is around 400 pound plus 2000 pound for flight , hotel and care rental for me and they feel this is fair but yet before they where happy to use a church hall as a contact center.

I have attached some of the statements for you and my proposal to the court on 28 Feb 2014 which Judge Singleton ignored and also confirmed her job is not to read statements , then why does she waste all out time making orders for them ? to make money for CAFCAS and the legal team I suspect. I am also tracking her personal bank details as I have been informed that she is a stake holder directly or indirectly in Pro Contact and I will expose her once this info is in hand.

I can not see how this Court wants me to spend more than 2000 pounds to come to a 2 hour hearing and then not even be allowed to see our boys , thus I have set up a secure video link as they wanted but now that is also not good enough , so for the record I am happy to come to the UK for a full contested hearing over 10 days as suggested by me and also happy to go to jail for contempt of court over my boys blog , but keep in mind Judge Singleton ruled in April the blog is NOT contempt of Court.

Jeremy I hope you will bring some logic and sense to these proceeding and expose these incompetent people for the Child Abusers they truly are.

Kind Regards.

Phill Ferreira

The Narcissist’s Definition Of Success

Ladywithatruck's Blog

Webster-Meridian definition for success is as follows:

Suc·cess Pronunciation: sschwak-primarystressses
Function: noun
a : degree or measure of succeeding b : satisfactory completion of something c :the gaining of wealth, respect, or fame

Successful Pronunciation səkˈsesfəl/
Function: adjective
accomplishing an aim or purpose
“a successful attack on the town”
having achieved popularity, profit, or distinction.magnet
“a successful actor”
From the above definitions JC could consider himself to be successful.  The gaining of wealth, respect or fame. Accomplishing an aim or purpose (hooking a woman with money), having achieved popularity, profit, distinction. (in his own mind)A successful actor. (I think he read the definition and took it too literally).
My definition is different.

On my recent post about going to a reunion dinner with the people I used to work with I made this statement:

This morning I counted my dimes and quarters and thought…

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