Subject: Hello boys , today is 1 month before your 2nd Birthday !
> From: phillferreira@xxxxxxxxxxxx
> Date: Sat, 20 Apr 2013 22:18:23 +0100
> To: .ferreira2011@xxxxxxxxx; ferreira0511@xxxxxxxx
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> O & O ,
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> I am sure if you are reading this you would well know that your Mum and I separated on 1 April 2013.
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> I decided today to start writing to you both each day from today , I will try my best to keep doing so as I am not sure how things will turn out with Mum and I getting divorced and me not having a visa yet to stay in the Uk. I guess all these questions we will have the answers too when you are reading these emails.
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> I am sure Mum has her reason for taking you both away from me and not allowing me to have contact with you nor is she giving me any details re if you are doing well or not and I must admit it is breaking my heart but I can do nothing about it!
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> I think the sad thing for me here as I sit alone in your nursery writing this email is that both of you will have no memory of the 1st 23 months of our life as a family, so please do not ever think I will think less either of you as you grow older and recent me for nor being around. All I can say to you both that I will fight until my last breath to get to see and be part of your life , but your Mum is telling the courts with the help of you horrible grand father that they fear that I might harm you , I think in this whole situation that is the thing that is hearing me the most but I can not fight them as they are all telling the same lies , and yes each story has 2 sides but never have I nor would I even dream of hurting either of you.
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> Your Mum tells people that I am not interested in you but as I am sure you both know by now she is the control freak ! But be that as it may I am not writing to you to speak bad re Mum ,
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> You both are going to laugh I went out yesterday evening after work to buy an IPad , something I vowed I would never do but I think just having the memory of you both fighting over my Blackberry play book to be able to watch “horsy horsy don’t you stop” on YouTube made me smile and I guess I am grabbing at straw to keep you both in my live. I am sure IPads are un cool now but was hip today ! Lol
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> I also got your Birthday cards but have no clue where I can send them as I don’t know what you will be doing for your Birthday but I am sure Mum will make it fun and again so so sorry I will not be with you then but life is cruel and hard as you both shall learn.
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> I have been looking today what I can get you for your birthday and in South Africa we would get you to start your horse or pony riding lessons but I am pretty sure your Mum will not allow that , I then thought maybe a puppy as you both are animal crazy but maybe a bit small to look after a dog just yet.
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> So don’t despair I  am still looking , got the Thomas the tank engine wrapping paper all ready to go.
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> My Mum and Dad , your Ouma And Oupa Who has only met you once at your christening , and yes they have many faults but are still heart broken that your mum will not allow you contact with them , I am going to give them your email ids also as I am sure they would also like to write you and maybe send you some pictures as I guess they both might have passed away by the time you would be old enough to read this , and boys if they don’t write to you don’t think bad of them they are trying to cone to grips with the fact that they way things are today they will never be able to see or have contact with you , but I can tell you both that in there own way they do love both very very much and would kill to be a part of your life on full time basis if they could , but I guess for now it will only be cards from time to time if your mum even gives them to you,
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> Boys I am sitting here with eyes burning from crying my heart out over you and I don’t cry very easy so I vow going forward these email will be less tear full and more …. I don’t know what more boys as I do not think my heart has ever been this broken…. I know you will never understand this until and I hope you never do you have to live it.
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> I hope you both had a fantastic day , I see mum posted some pictures of you both on farm and in the bath and you both look so very happy and un aware of what is going on and makes me feel like the outsider that has been forgotten already after 3 weeks , I know that is not the case don’t get me wrong but that is how it makes me feel.
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> Well little men I assume you are both in dream land and as told you each night before bed ” see you under the big old green tree in dream land later” sweet sweet happy dream little men , big hugs and cuddles , I love you both more then what I think you both will ever know or belief!
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> Night night my little super stars  , sleep well , love you both load xxxxxxxx2
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> Dad
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> Sent from my iPad